Homework+Machine

Homework Machine by Dan Gutman   
 * Just 'bout the most exciting thing to happen'round here since them two planes crashed over the canyon in '56
 * Fifty people died here that year all together. I think that was the record.
 * I got more important things to do with my time than babysit for a bunch of nuty kids, that's for darn sure.
 * Do we really have to go through this whole thing all over again? I mean sometimes freak accidents just happen.
 * I can't believe I am sitting in this room again. 3
 * I have worked so hard all my life to get good grades and sign up for lots of extracurricular activities and go to church and always do the right thing. 4
 * I'm not talking about the honor roll, where you can get B's on your report card. The Principal's LIst! That's straight As. 4
 * She is on permanent probation. 4
 * I have to confess, it was kinda cool seeing my picture in the paper the first time and everything.5
 * You would be perfect. Except, I suppose, for the mistakes you don't know about. 6
 * I felt partly responsible for the first mess because it happened on my watch. 6
 * I've heard that people who live in New York City never even visit the Statue of LIberty. 7
 * My wife and I moved from Houston to retire, but I couldn't stand doing nothing. 8
 * He has a crew cut you could balance a soda can on. 9
 * He doesn't say one thing and mean something else, like a lot of other guys. 10
 * It was pretty neat, to think that there was just one degree of separation between me and the first man to walk on the moon. 10
 * But what are you gonna do? Kids don't rule the world. We've got no power. 11
 * A lot of kids have trouble with adverbs and adjectives. 11
 * Apparently, there was a long drought that forced them to migrate to other parts of the West. 12
 * He was a smart one too, but he didn't want anyone to know it. One of those kids who is too cool for school, you know what I mean? 14
 * She is probably a late bloomer. She hasn't come into her own yet. 14
 * He didn't bite his nails, like a lot of people do. He would just pick at his fingers. 15
 * I mean, they really liked each other, but at the same time they seemed completely awkward when they were together. 15
 * I just felt strange holding hands and stuff with a girl. 16
 * AFter a year of being part of the group and everything that happened, we had... something. 16
 * My mom wanted to throw me a party, but I didn't think anybody would come, so I told her I didn't want a party. Even though I really did. 17
 * There was no traditional power source at all, but the light was on. No battery. 21
 * The chip that controlled that light had somehow figured out -- on its own-- how to power itself. It was like it had a mind of its own. 21
 * The brain of the whole thing was missing. 22
 * You can't sweat the small stuff like that . I told him to take a chill pill. 22
 * After they left, I checked my email, like I do about ten times a day. 23
 * They farmed, and they built dwellings out of mud and stone. And then, they left. 24
 * They don't realize this, but every week, I go to the library and research whatever we are studying the next week. 24
 * She was looking for information. That's the mark of a dedicated student! 24
 * No wonder their civilization collapsed. They probably fell off the cliffs and died. 25
 * There were papers to grade, tests to write, lesson plans to work out. But I made a copy of the article so I could look into it later. 26
 * Remarkable finds indicate ancient people migrated from orient. 26
 * I know it is a real intellectual game, but I can't get past the idea that it's a simulation of warfare. 27
 * Instead of two armies that try to kill each other, you have two armies that compete to make the most friends. And then at teh end of the game, everybody holds hands and sways back and forth while they sing "Kumbaya'. 28
 * We adapt to things. 28
 * Once the novelty was gone, he was ready to move on. 28
 * She sent him out on some lame errand, and when he came back home, we jumped out from behind the curtains and freaked him out. 29
 * I knew he'd like it because there was a warning label on the package that said it was inappropriate for kids. 30
 * He always says that he hates to read, but I know that he reads comic books, so Ithought he would want to learn more about them. 30
 * Of all the presents I got, the coolest one was the rocket. 30
 * We all went out to the field near the school to shoot it off. 31
 * We chipped in a dollar each, and whoever caught the ball would get to keep four dollars. 32
 * It didn't go anywhere. I mean, it just disintegrated. 33
 * There was an electrical malfunction of some sort. 33
 * Boys can be so immature. 33
 * The main reason was to land a man on the moon before the Russians did. 33
 * We spent billions and billions of dollars to go to the moon so we could win some symbolic military victory. 34
 * I think the world would be alot better if women ran things. 34
 * Women are more caring and sensitive than me. 35
 * Guys would be put in prison for wiping their nose on their sleeve. 36
 * The only thing you could talk about would be how much you weigh. 37
 * They had to research it and give an oral report, in costume, on Halloween. 37
 * I don't like to eat too much candy anyway, because it is fattening and bad for your teeth. 38
 * Why does everything have to be a learning experience, anyway? Can't we just have fun at school once in a while? 39
 * Oh man, that was a beautiful sight! We were all yelling and screaming, like we had won the lottery or something. 42
 * This was one of those magical "teachable momoents". 42
 * I never realized the countdown had a purpose. 43
 * Ihave this bank account where I keep birthday money that was given to me by my grandparents and stuff. 44
 * There was a picture of a bear hanging onto a little ice floe. I told her it was cute. 44
 * Did you know that we burn twenty million barrels of oil a day. 45
 * She is such an alarmist. I mean really! 45
 * You never know what she's gonna be into next. 46
 * so I looked over at him and he looked at me, and he's got this sly grin on his face and a gleam in his eye and I know what he's thinking and he knows what I'm thinking and the rest, well, you know what happened. 47
 * Remeber Red Socks Day?47
 * But did the boys listen? No, of course no. They're boys.47
 * That's how the human race started. 48
 * He performs miracles, and if you pray to him, he'll reward you with frequentflyer miles and other awesome prizes. 48
 * That's what people want in life right? To have more stuff or to lose weight. 49
 * it was just sad and pathetic that anyone woudltake such a thing seriously.49
 * The kid had a backpack filled with Twinkies. 50
 * Physical Clue--- Twinkies
 * I wanted to call the police on him, but the others talked me out of it. 51
 * Personally, I thought he was harmless. He just wanted to make money. 51
 * they say there's a thin line between genius and madness. 52
 * It was probably stolen from the company that developed it. 54
 * If it fell into the wrong hands, well, who knows what might happen.54
 * We spent about an hour there, searching on our hands and knees. 55
 * Everybody thinks I'm dumb because I don't do well in school. 56
 * He started ranting about how technology can be used for both good and bad. 57
 * It is a beautiful thing. Two feet high. 58
 * we started doing heavy math stuff with fractions and decimals this year. 60
 * I had been warned about him. The reports on him said he was a troublemaker. 61
 * I believe all kids are good deep down inside. 61
 * Usually I didn't pay attention to him because I thought he was just a mean boy who was going to end up in jail someday. 62
 * I could kick back, watch TV and play grand teft auto all night. 62
 * I mean, the thing wasn't just fast, it could think like a person. 63
 * it had artifical intelligence. 63
 * He's usually the life of the party, cracking jokes and everything. 64
 * it was used, but it sounds great. 65
 * You just throw your food scraps in and the worms eat it and turn it into rich organic compost that you can use in your garen or with your plants. 66
 * i really don't know why anybody would want to shoot an egg 610 feet in the air. 66
 * it should not be necessary to give someone a material object to show that you care for them. 66
 * it can pinpoint your exact location anywhere on earth, give or take twenty feet. 67
 * it had tunnels radiating out like the spokes of a wheel, with hundreds of rooms inside. 67
 * These people obviously reached a high stage of civilization. 68
 * One of us was going to have to break into his house and take it. 69
 * it might prevent you from getting into law school, or geting a job twenty years from now. 69
 * She had a very black and white view of the world, and I don't mean race. 70
 * like if the American colonists had not rebelled against the British and overthrown their government,there would be no United States today. 70
 * At first I thought that maybe it was just a newspaper hoax. 72
 * it occured to me that maybe somebody didn't want the general public to know about this discovery. 72
 * PHYSCIAL CLUE-- computer chip--- red flashing light
 * The possibilities were unlimited. 74
 * it was all a bluff you know? I wasn't about to fight him. 75
 * if they wanted it so badly, they shouldn't have thrown it away in the first place. 75
 * he would show us videos half the time instead of doing a lesson.76
 * Their chief caused a tree to grow, and the people climbed out. 76
 * how he got my number, I'll never know. 77
 * i liked the guy. I liked the way he operated. 77
 * WE decided to team up and split whatever we earned fifty-fifty. 78
 * I didn't even bring binoculars. I only had a general idea of where to look 78
 * it was the first time I ever saw that boy pay attention in class. 80
 * I figure that if the stuff in libraries was so great, they wouldn't have to giveit away for free. 81
 * Man, I sat there and felt the hair on my neck rising up. 82
 * I made a photocopy of the article so I could go over it real carefully. 82
 * We all agreed that if we found any treasure, we would donate it to a museum. 83
 * I told her it's a public place and I have as much right to be there as she does. 83
 * Every summer millions of tourists come here. 84
 * I often wonder if there is a square inch on this planet that has never been stepped on by a human foot. 84
 * I had come to believe that kids today don't care about stuff like that . 85
 * It's so much easier to play a video game and find a virtual treasure. 85
 * twenty four presidents were under six feet tall, and eighteen were six feet tall or more. 86
 * I remember thinking, This guy is paranoid. 88
 * He kept saying,"I've got to find it. I've got to find it.' 89
 * I'll tell you they were worse than the bears! 90
 * This ain't no place for weirdos. 91
 * That's the way they do things. Act now and think things through later. 91
 * This could be the ultimate field trip. A real teachable moment. 92
 * I thought it over and agreed to be their chaperone if they each got their parents to sign a permission form. 92
 * It gets up over a hundred degrees,and people have been known to die out there from heat exhaustion. 92
 * It was pretty cool, but the capabilities were limited. 93
 * I got some videos from the library to show them what life was like in the time of the pharaohs. 94
 * So how did they build the pyramids? I'll tell you how. They didn't. 94
 * They would pull their organs out and make them into mummies. 95
 * He said it was like looking at meat in a supermarket. 96
 * It was made of solid gold, and it was surrounded by lots of other golden things, jewels, treasures, and all the boy king's possessions. 97
 * He was bitten by a mosquito and it got infected. 98
 * I couldn't believe how much junk we had to lug with us for just a long weekend. 99
 * ...suntan lotion, lip balm, ploarizing sunglasses, wide-brimmed hats to keep the sun off our faces. 99
 * And of course, you have to bring your own toilet paper, and a metal shovel...for burying your own waste! 100
 * It felt alive in my hand. Like, magnetic, you know? it was like one of those diving rods that finds water. 100
 * I was filled with a sense of foreboding. 101
 * They've got these signs all over the trail warning you to turn back if you're not in good shape, if you have a heart condition, if you didn't bring enough water, stuff like that. 103
 * Hey, if you get in trouble, you can't say nobody warned you. 103
 * SO I had another thing to worry about-- stepping in mule manure. 104
 * I think that in teacher school they must tell all the teachers in training that they have to always be teaching, whether or not there's anything worth learning. 105
 * You know what they say-- take only pictures, leave only footprints. 106
 * It was like I never heard real quiet before. 111
 * It made me want to protect the environment of this wonderful planet even more. 112
 * If you were going to worship something why not the planet that you live on? 113
 * Of course I was well aware that the whole story I had read could have simply been an elaborated newspaper hoax. 116
 * On the ground were a bunch of gold swords. Gold!125
 * You'll never have to work a day in your life. We're millionaires. 126
 * There's an old law of the jungle: finders keepers. 129'
 * I spent my whole career in the military. Except for the practice range, not once did Ipull the trigger on a gun. 132
 * They were circling around each other, like boxers. 132
 * In martial arts, they teach you to use physics. 133
 * This was not the first time I had seen a man die. 135
 * They're all so honest. THey wouldn't know how to tell a lie if their lives depended on it. 138
 * I don't know why we did i, but we all hugged . 138
 * It;s amazing that such a tiny thing could cause so much trouble. 139
 * They were all mad at me because I used the word "story". 139
 * If the body was found, there would be alcohol in his bloodstream. 141
 * When you talked to 'em, they'd just say the world was gonna end on Mother's Day, and they wanted to be here. 145
 * Nobody wanted to ruin their blender. 148
 * People were suggesting that we flush it down a toilet, bury it underground, burn it in a campfire, all kinds of crazy stuff. 148
 * i knew what he was thinking. Both of us had the same idea, almost at the same time. 149
 * Maybe this would be teh solution to a lot of our waste problems. 155
 * I was a little upset because it was Mother's Day and he didn't get me anyting. 156
 * They were thanking me for the weighttheylostand frequent flyermiles they won. 158
 * Everybody just stopped yelling and looked up. Then they were all clapping . 162